


we got here the hard way

by chaoticamanda



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, because theres only so much she can forgive, the gate stone returns, this is pretty much just scanlan showing up almost dead and vex venting her frustrations to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 12:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticamanda/pseuds/chaoticamanda
Summary: He’s got to be close to unconsciousness now, and he uses the little strength he has left to try and reach his pocket. His fingers are shaking, some bent at very odd angles, as he tries to pull out the crystal They’d given him. In what he believes to be his final moments, Scanlan misses Vox Machina violently, the ache of longing merging with all of the other pain he feels.





	we got here the hard way

**Author's Note:**

> they kept talking about being afraid that he was dead in a ditch somewhere in the past episode, so uh, what if he almost was?

He’s died before. He’s fallen unconscious in battle, been terrified out of his mind for his own safety and that of his friends—his _family_ , been torn apart only to be put together again at the very last second before. Scanlan Shorthalt is the walking definition of a mess, somehow alive even though he knows his heart has stopped multiple times. He knows it’s because of Them, the jagged collage of people that had once given his life meaning.

Perhaps that’s why he’s so scared now, struggling to breathe as a frost giant stands above him, club already arcing down for another blow. He is alone, without Them and without Kaylie, and he’s going to be turned into jam by the time this giant has finished with him. Several of his ribs must be broken, and that has to be why there is such stabbing pain in his gut, in his chest. The club strikes him in the leg, the bone cracking loudly as the flesh tears. Scanlan tries to scream, but he’s got no air and his throat is on fire, so all that comes out is a choking sound.

He’s got to be close to unconsciousness now, and he uses the little strength he has left to try and reach his pocket. His fingers are shaking, some bent at very odd angles, as he tries to pull out the crystal They’d given him. In what he believes to be his final moments, Scanlan misses Vox Machina violently, the ache of longing merging with all of the other pain he feels.

It’s been a year and a half since he left them, and they’ve become blurred in his memory, their presence more feeling than image. Right now, as his fingers agonizingly find purchase over the stone, he feels guilty. He should have gone back to them, at least once. He doesn’t want to die, not without Them.

It’s that thought that he clings to as the crystal in his hand begins to glow, stunning the giant above him. He doesn’t know if it’ll work, if they even have the other one anymore. But the gate stone seems to be working, so he’s going to end up somewhere. There is a swirling sensation in his gut as he feels the ground beneath him disappear, forcing another choked gasp out of him as his broken body shifts.

 _I’m going home_ , he thinks wildly as a new world bleeds into the bright light that blinds him. He cries out as his body touches a new floor, and he’s staring up at a high wooden ceiling. His eyes wheel around wildly, trying to figure out where he is, when he sees her.

She’s standing a few feet away from him, her hands covering her mouth as she stares at him with wide eyes. “V-V..ex…” Her name warps on the way out of his mouth, coming out broken and stuttered.

“What the fuck!” Vex’s hands fall away from her mouth as she shouts, panic and surprise dancing across her face. She hurries closer, dropping to her knees over his broken body. She looks healthy, her braid done carefully and her face clean. Scanlan wants to ask why she’s alone, where they are, but he has no words left. “Scanlan, what the fuck?” her voice is quieter now, but no less confused and hurried.

He hears footsteps approaching and he wants to warn her, but all he can do is gesture wildly with his eyes. She ignores them, and presses her hands to the sides of his face. The healing magic she’s learned courses though him, reconnecting paths through his body until he’s a little more whole. It’s not a lot, but he feels the burn fade from his throat, his chest. Vex doesn’t say anything, just staring at him with those wide eyes, her hands still cupping his face.

The door opens to the right of her, and he tears his eyes from her to see a man he doesn’t know. “Everything alright—oh, gods, what’s going on?”

Vex remains silent, and when Scanlan glances back at her, he sees tears gathering in her eyes. “Scanlan,” she whispers, and though her voice is soft, the name slams into him with a force that could rival the frost giant’s. He’s guilty, he knows, because he never came back, because he only returned when he thought he was going to die.

“Vex,” he repeats, and this time her name is clear, though it’s been so long that it almost tastes unfamiliar on his tongue. She blinks at him, and he can’t decipher what’s swimming in her eyes.

“Vex, are you going to tell me why there’s a—a bloody little man on our floor? Is this one of those Trickfoots? Are we killing him?” The man asks, glancing between Vex and Scanlan, confused.

Vex finally tears her gaze from Scanlan, glancing over her shoulder, “T-This is the leader of Vox Machina we told you about, Tary.”

Her words confuse him, and he wonders if maybe she’s trying to hurt him, to make him feel worse. The man— _Tary—_ peers at Scanlan, his blue eyes sharp as they dart across his tattered body. “Why…is he all bloody?” Tary asks, gesturing to the blood drying on Scanlan’s clothes and skin.

“I, uh,” he clears his throat, “I was ambushed.”

“Tary, go get the others,” Vex orders quietly, leaning back as he tries to sit up.

“Alright,” Tary nods, but casts a wary look between them, “I’ll be…back.”

Tary walks away, leaving the two of them alone. Vex lets the silence stretch out between them, staring at him. He doesn’t look much different under the blood and dirt, although he’s probably faded in her memory like she has for him. It’s been a long time—longer than they were together. He’s not sure if it’s courage or fear that pushes him to speak, to break the silence, “Where, uh, where am I?”

“Whitestone,” she answers, looking away from him while she speaks, like it hurts to see him, “My bedroom, in my house.”

“So you finally built it,” he says, the ghost of a smile on his face.

It drops the second she looks back at him, eyes dark and face tight as she restrains herself, “Why?”

Scanlan decides to play dumb, to hope that by some miracle she will just let it go, “Why what?”

“Why are you here?” She whispers, and her voice breaks as tears begin to roll down her cheeks. “Why _now?”_

He could lie—it’s what he’s best at. He could say that he was on his way to Whitestone, that he was finally going to return, or that he needs their help for some grand adventure, one last hurrah. But she knows him too well, and she won’t trust anything he says that doesn’t hurt, because that’s what left of their time together. “I was dying,” he says finally, clenching his fist against the hardwood floor. There is still pain throbbing under his skin, little bursts here and there where her magic couldn’t reach, or was strong enough to completely heal. “I didn’t want to die alone,” he adds, voice coarse from his honesty.

Vex nods, setting her jaw as she wipes away her tears. Her voice is strangled when she speaks, as if she’s trying to hold back whatever she wants to say, “You chose to be alone.”

It makes him flinch, and she still won’t look at him. “I’m sorry,” he says, because it’s what she needs to hear.

Vex finally looks back at him, her eyes shining with more unshed tears. He quietly catalogues corrections to his memory, seeing that her eyes are hazel, not green like he’d thought. Her hand comes up to her chest, fingers almost curled, as if she is pulling the words from her heart, “I…I don’t _believe_ you, Scanlan.”

The words settle around his throat, constricting it, and he lets out a shaky breath. She’s always been perceptive, but he’s always been persuasive—it had caused a sort of game between them, until the game had turned sour. He’d gotten too good at deception, and it seemed like she stopped looking for lies. She’d _trusted_ him then, perhaps, and now she doesn’t.

The words he’d screamed at them are ringing in his ears.

He has no response for her; he’s sure she won’t believe any apology and he’s got no real explanation. Vex seems to contain herself, wiping her face and taking deep breaths. When she speaks again, her voice is a little steadier, “Are you going to leave?”

“Huh?” He doesn’t understand. She sent Tary to get the others, but she wants him to leave.

“You don’t have to…we don’t want you to pretend anymore,” she says, and bitterness is seeping into her voice, “If you wanted to come back, you would have—we know that. We’re—I’m not stupid, darling.”

“Vex…” Words are his gift, but they’re failing him now. There doesn’t seem to be a way to make this better, so he deflects, “It’s not like you need me. You’ve got that new guy.”

“Taryon Darrington,” she says sharply, “and don’t act like you’ve got any right to be upset. You left us—you said you would _come back_ , but you never did, and you were probably never going to.”

That hurts, and it’s not completely true. There had been times when he had wanted to come back—when Kaylie’s hatred for him had bled through, when tavern after tavern had begun to look the same, when he’d had nightmares about terrible, awful things. But he couldn’t promise that he could stay, and coming back would have been that promise. It’s his nature—he’s always leaving things behind.

Vex doesn’t wait for an answer, fingers curling into the fabric of her tunic, “Maybe we weren’t the friends you needed, but you…I can forgive you for leaving, Scanlan. But I can’t forgive what you said—not when you turned yourself into part of my _fucking daddy issues.”_

Her words sting, and he looks away from her. She continues, as if his reaction spurns her on, “Maybe that’s why I like Tary so much. He’s got daddy issues too, but he doesn’t lie about them, doesn’t hide them. He doesn’t do drugs behind my back, either.”

Scanlan’s head snaps up, “You know about that?”

“Yes, dear,” she snaps, “and maybe I could have helped you, if you told me yourself. But you never wanted to tell us anything, so here we are.”

He can hear loud footsteps from below, and realizes they’re on a second floor. He realizes that there’s no running from this—all of his magic was expended in the fight. Vex scoots further away from him, as Grog calls out, “Scanlan? Scanlan, where are you?”

The footsteps are louder and louder until the door flies open and they all pile in. Everybody he remembers looks a little different. Keyleth has got tattoos painted across more of her skin, Vax has a little color to his face, Grog’s got some new scars and shining pin on his belt, Pike’s got blue hair, and Percy sidles in slowly, just in front of Tary. Percy’s brow is creased, and he’s staring at Scanlan with his lips pursed.

“Hey, guys,” he says weakly, waving slowly, acutely aware of the blood crusting on his clothes.

“Scanlan?” Pike breathes, as if she can’t believe what she’s seeing. His stomach clenches at her voice, different than he remembers because time had warped it.

“Pike,” he nods, “Your hairs, uh, different than I remember it.”

Pike blinks at him, and after a few moments of silence, everyone staring, she crosses the distance between them. Her eyes never leave his, and he doesn’t have time to register her raising her arm until her hand is impacting his cheek, almost knocking him over with the force of her slap. “How dare you,” she whispers, eyes blazing, “How dare you, Scanlan Shorthalt.”

“Pike…” he starts, working his jaw, but she cuts him off.

“We were worried about you,” she says, jabbing a finger in his face, “We waited for you to come back, we looked for you, and we were afraid that maybe you were dead because we got no word, no visit, _nothing!_ And you come back like this?”

“I…I came back,” he says, ignoring Vax’s raised eyebrows. “I’m here now.”

“Yeah, you’re here now,” she says, shaking her head, “and you’ve got a lot to answer for.”

 Scanlan stares at the group he’d once called family, the group he’d abandoned, and wonders if any explanation will ever be enough. He doubts it.


End file.
